This morning I’ve been in deep contemplation over a very deep subject for me….youth death and suicide…why?

Well….lets go back to 1999! 18 years ago today….where were you?

I was 17 and had already moved out of my parents home into my boyfriend’s. It was just like any other day….a work day. Got up. Got dressed. Went to our first house. On the way to the next house we heard the news on the radio….I still remember it…it was so fresh and real in my young mind….my HIGH SCHOOL AGED mind….the newscaster spoke “at aprox 11:20am, two students, Dylan Klebold, 17, and Eric Harris, 18, carrying guns and bombs inside of their jackets and backpacks, opened fire inside Columbine High School, killing 13 and wounding 23 others before killing themselves.”

Devastation hit! These assailants, these victims, all my age! I remember thinking about how I was going to be in the group now. I wear long black trench coats and I play L.A.R.P. games! And then it hit me! Anyone of my friends could have been one of these boys! Or….one of these victims…..I could have been one of these victims….or even worse….omgosh….could I have been one of these boys!? I had a deep hate for a lot of the world and the people in it as well during that time! I didn’t have the home life that was ideal nor did I have a good support system! These boys were troubled and lost! Picked on for being different. Bullied. Hated among their peers! Yeah….this could be ME under different circumstances! I grieved for the tragedy of it all. But even more so I grieved for my self and my friends! It just kept on in my head…it could have been anyone I knew and loved….it could have been ME!

This morning I look back and tho at the time I wasn’t where I am with Christ I can see now how His hand was over me and my mind. He he never let me condemn those boys no matter how hard the media tried to stir our hate for “this type” of youth. I see even then how He showed me what sin does in our lives. What life without Him can lead to. I may not have seen it as God then…just as having compassion and understanding of the minds of the boys involved….because it could have been anyone MY age suffering thru life! But today I praise my God for showing me how Soverign He has ALWAYS been….even when I was lost in my Egypt!

Let’s be not so quick to judge our youth y’all!  Let’s look at these situations as a reminder of how they DESPERATELY need us to LOVE them…not push them further into the darkness thru hate and judgement…..just remember….it could have been me!