Good morning! Happy Monday!

Soooo, The Lord and I have been talking…..ok ok so, really He’s been talking and I been hearing (not listening 若) and it’s been going on a LONG while (longer than I am willing to admit publicly right now 臘‍♀️) …… soooooo I feel like this is it! This is the time to sink or swim! This is the time to listen not hear! This is the time!

I 1st created a facebook page several years ago just to give myself a platform to vent opinions somewhat anonymously at 1st…..then I started my blog here on wordpress a year or 2 later. Weeeelllll…..I have been struggling and arguing with what I KNOW The Lord had been telling me to do for a LONG time now. He’s been telling me the trajectory of this page/blog is ok, but not the full potential of what it was created for…..tho at 1st (since I was hearing not listening) I had no clue what that was exactly…..
Well, every year about this time He lays it out pretty clearly and I see glimpses of what I am supposed to be doing with this platform…..and then I listen to the lies and find my excuses to dodge it, yet again…..I have been doing this for at least 2 years of not more now!
I write a blog post here and there to appease the stirring in me for a while…..but it just gets worse each time!! So, I am writing all this as back story so you can know why the change and where we’re going from here!

I am meant to be vlogging not just blogging for 1……He’s made that brilliantly clear so many times and I have been so disobedient for so long!
For 2 I am not really here to focus on 1 topic…..I am here just to voice MY OPINIONS on things going on in the world and stuff and to share the revelation that is put on me about certain topics. This is meant to be a place to interact and share with people. Not a place to tell you what I think and move on…Which is what I have made it. It is meant to be a place to get raw, real, and share truth……

And now I have been getting visions for things that are WAY bigger than me and feel fun and exciting but also scare me to death because they are things that “sound cool” and “feel exciting” but will take a LOT of effort, follow through, and publicly messing it up many times till I figure out my niche.
I think the next few months, as I am “testing the waters” and “figuring out” how to do social media in a whole new way, will be entertaining and possibly even embarrassing…..definitely emotional and most likely extremely funny (not necessarily on purpose lol) but I am ready….I think….ok I won’t lie……I am NOT ready….not even a little….as a matter of fact the more I think about it the LESS I wanna do it….lol. The more I think about it the higher my anxiety levels go, and the more fear rolls in! So, if I’m just being honest…..I am TERRIFIED and don’tWANT to step out!!! That is how I know it’s God and not my flesh! I been fighting it TOO long for it to be me….

Truth be told, I’m actually crying as I write this because I am SO NOT ready…..BUT I KNOW that I have been disobedient  for far too many years….and am truly to a point where I am more afraid of  “not being used” or “missing” what The Lord has for me and being “left behind” as the life that is meant for me to be living passes me by!

Y’all, I had a dream about this stuff 2 days ago and then the words spoken in church yesterday morning beat the literal HELL out of me and I am honestly afraid of getting to heaven and seeing all the amazing things that I passed up in this life (the fulfillment of the book that has been written for ME) because I am living in fear! In fear of looking/feeling stupid! The fear of rejection and failure! The fear of the unknown…..so much FEAR!!!
It has been said over and over by several….FEAR IS A LIAR!!! I haven’t stepped out because of fear! I’ve listened to it all in my head for years!

“People are going to think you’re an idiot!”

“They WILL be talking about you and laughing at you behind your back you know!?”

“You are WAY to old to become a ‘social media personality’ and be successful at it”

“You WILL be laughed at….and NOT because you are funny”

“No one cares about your life or opinions and advice enough to share what you have to say!”

“This is HANDS DOWN THE MOST RIDICULOUS idea you’ve EVER had!”

“There’s NO WAY this is ‘God’s plan’ for your life….smh”

“That is a nice fantasy….too bad that’s all it will EVER be!”

“What makes you think YOU have ANYTHING other people wanna see/hear!?”

“Hardly anyone even READS your blog as is! What makes you think they’ll want to HEAR/SEE you VOLG!?”

Most of what I hear (and have believed) pertains to what an idiot I am and how ridiculous of a fantasy this idea is…..but y’all…it’s been my secret heart’s desire for MANY years now!! And I haven’t shared it with ANYONE till recently! Well, it’s time to break up with the fear and step out on the water!

So, I am going to pray about the person I am to link with this month to pour into and will be slowly moving forward in this new adventure!

Thank you to a those who have pushed me forward and to my supportive husband for asking me “when do we start” when I told him (in tears) my “ridiculous idea!”