So, I still have a great word to give but before I can release the words I have for this week I have to repent.
Over the past year, I’ve been dealing with a LOT of personal stuff in my extended family. Not gonna get into details, but it’s been rough and has broken me in ways I never thought I’d have to be broken again.
Anyways, for SEVERAL months I’ve slowly gotten rougher, grittier, moody, and flat-out a bitch to many. I’ve pushed and shoved some that have loved me harder than I deserve. I have allowed the rejection from others and of the past to not only reenter because of these issues but I allowed it to consume me once again. I began to reject those around me, those who have been by my side for YEARS. Those who rejection of me is something that would never occur to them. I pushed away relationship after relationship. I refused to get/stay close to nearly EVERYONE. I built walls. I stopped operating in my call and deprived those I’m called to touch with my anointing. I stopped giving words. I stopped ministering to people. I started leaving AS SOOOOON as church was over. I stepped back from real worship and walked away from corporate prayer. I went through the motions sure, and I played the part well enough, but I was beyond bitter and raging inside. I felt foolish and duped and took it out on the world around me.
The past month has been SO healing and raw and HARD but I am beginning to see myself again! I have slowly begun to move in the things I’m called to again on a personal level. I’m not where I was before the trauma hit and I’m not sure I ever will be, but that’s only because that season is over and a new one is upon me. But I AM where I need to be NOW. My vision is returning and my passion is reigniting. The desire to be near my people is returning and the wisdom to know who not to allow back is gently guiding me back to the heart of Papa! Back to a place of worship. Back to a place of love. I missed truly loving folks from the spirit of God within me! I AM a lover and being bitter has hardened my heart. But God! He is so tender and gracious to tap on that hard shell and bust it back open and He’s never taken His grace off me through this, not even once!
So, to all I’ve wronged, and especially to those who have been there and I pushed away this year out of the pain and bitterness I am truly from the bottom of my being sorry and I fully repent to you all!
I am looking forward to being me again and walking in my call again! And even more so getting to finally step into what The Lord has been waiting to release for me.
If I can say anything of any importance in my life let it be this…DO NOT EVER allow bitterness to enter your heart! I’ve dealt with A LOT of BAD devils in my life and I can honestly say nothing has been harder to overcome than bitterness. It’s even harder than addiction and I battled that one for most of my life. It seems to become the root of EVERYTHING that starts to rise up within you. It’s pure evil and will consume you before you even know it has entered you. Please please please take great care to guard your heart against the evil that is bitterness.
If you’re reading this I love you and pray many blessings upon you! And if you made it to the end thank you for your endurance and support! Be blessed!
-Virginia