When you think you’ve dealt with a demon…

Let me explain, I have come out of bloodline poverty. I spent most of my young life dirt poor. Don’t get me wrong, my mom did her best and for the most part, provided most of our basic needs, but I spent a lot of my life stuck in a poverty mindset.

Don’t ask for anything, no frivolous gifts, or “just because” gifts, holidays were the only time for that.

looking back, I’ve ALWAYS loved in that way though. I am a GIVER! Sometimes to a fault. I’ve been known to give SO MUCH that it hurt me. I’ve spent YEARS healing and climbing out of that poverty bloodline spirit. And I honestly thought I’d done good and come out of it.

The Lord has been showing me for a while now that my love language is gift-giving. I LOVE TO GIVE!! I’d give everything I owned if it was asked of me. I had to learn how to give freely without giving myself away with it. I had to learn boundaries in my giving. I had to learn how to say NO! I have always known acts of service were how I loved but I still felt something was off.

I have recently learned that I was at some point fed the lie that the love language of giving and receiving gifts wasn’t for me because I didn’t want to seem greedy, selfish, self-centered, superficial, and materialistic. I had bought the lie! The Lord showed me this a few months ago and I’ve been praying about how to be free of that mindset with no answers…until this morning.

I was sharing with my husband what The Lord has been showing me and he said it!! POVERTY MINDSET!!! Boom! Like a kick in the chest! The very thing that I’d thought I’d walked out of was rearing its ugly head again and this time it was attacking my ability to feel loved in my own language without feeling like unworthy trash because of it.

Even Jesus received gifts! And He was thankful for them! He wasn’t greedy or selfish, He just allowed others to love in their language.

Giving freely is nice, but if you can’t also receive freely you’re still in bondage.